holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
