I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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