I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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