fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize