i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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