I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
