Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His hands were made for my vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize