Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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