1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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