Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
