Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
