Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
