Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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