he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
