The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
