batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
