i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize