just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
