I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
