You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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