i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
