i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
