Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
