help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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