The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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