Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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