Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
