Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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