and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she smelled like a LAN party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
