some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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