First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
