you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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