So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
