wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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