so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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