he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
