So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
