And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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