I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
