bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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