There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
