You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
