So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
