i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
