I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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