just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
