Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
