I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
