Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm getting married
To pizza
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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