thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
