if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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