Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
