I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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