he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
