I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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