I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
