so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
