so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
time to smoke my breakfast
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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