My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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