I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
