yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
