She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
