ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i will never coherently bang her
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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