Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
