I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
