We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
