Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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