I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
