The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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