She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
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Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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