He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
