what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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