Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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