No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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